Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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