last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
