You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
