My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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