This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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