she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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