i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
