Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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