I accidentally had phone sex last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
