oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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