My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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