My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
