don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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