Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
