yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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