I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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