I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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