Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
