I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
