We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
