he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
