You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
