we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
