Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
