Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
