took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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