found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
