i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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