so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
