Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize