Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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