She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
