I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
