I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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