Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
