im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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