was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
