Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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