I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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