What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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