i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
