he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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