Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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