drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
