Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
