Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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