my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
