I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
