I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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