im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
